Why I Get Tattoos With A Fear Of NEEDLES 💉 | #SpinaBifida

Why I Get Tattoos With A Fear Of NEEDLES 💉 | #SpinaBifida


– Yes, I have tattoos and yes
I have a phobia of needles. Now before I get into my tattoos, what they are and why I got them, let’s talk about my phobia of needles and how that came about. For those of you who are new here, hi, welcome, I hope you subscribe. My name in Andrea, I have spina bifida. If you wanna know more, I have a whole playlist on
my channel talking about it. So go do that after you watch this video. So from the moment I was born, I have always been poked
and prodded by needles and most people would think that would mean I’m very used to them and, in a general sense, yes I am, but I have a lot of trauma
associated with needles. My veins have been blown
out because of needles, I’ve had pretty bad nurses
who’ve dug around my arms because they couldn’t find my veins. As a very small child, I’ve been held against my
will just to get prodded. Basically when it came to
needles I had no bodily autonomy as a child which then led
to an intense fear of them. The irrational part of my
brain equated needles to death, that if I got a needle it was
because the nurses were trying to kill me which, of course, I
know wasn’t true but as a kid that is what my fear turned into. On top of the fact that I
have very hypersensitive skin, so a needle, even if it’s a shot, doesn’t feel like a pinch to me. It is intense pain and
to top off the trauma, a lot of my family and
friends growing up teased me about my fear, which is just not healthy, and if you are that kind of person, please don’t do that because
it really hurts people. So I’ve had a lot of trauma
associated with needles as I’ve grown up with them. I’ve tried to keep my brain calm and not have panic attacks which is usually what happens when I know a needle has to be put into my body. I’ve gotten a lot better
at calming myself down, but my body still reacts to the needles to the point where it’s hard
for them to find my veins. My body gets even paler and they have to put warm
wash cloths around me just to try and get my veins to show. So even if my mental state is calm, my body still has the trauma reaction and that is kind of where
I’m at now with needles. I can keep myself calm,
but my body still reacts, but one of the ways I helped
myself mentally stay calm with needles even though
I’m still terrified of them has been getting tattoos. Now you’re probably confused as to why I would choose to get a tattoo when that’s a bunch of
needles going in you. The simplest answer is autonomy. I’ve always liked tattoos, I always wanted them and I liked the idea that I was choosing this pain, that I could choose to have a bunch of needles put in my skin and, yes, it would be extremely painful but I chose it and no
one forced me to do this. It made me finally feel
control in my body, control in the pain that I experienced which is not often granted
to disabled people. Now getting the first
tattoo was very scary because I didn’t know what
kind of pain it would be. Would it be the way medical needles feel? And I’m happy to report, for me at least, it’s not the same pain,
it’s a very different pain. I don’t fully enjoy it,
but I feel very powerful and in control when I’m getting a tattoo. So the reason I can get tattoos with a phobia of needles
is because of the autonomy, but also when you get a tattoo, the outcome is something very
meaningful, very beautiful. Whereas, yes, the outcome of
my medical procedures means I’m alive but a secondary
outcome of the medial procedures is that I now have trauma. Tattoos have been a form
of healing from my trauma. It hasn’t gotten rid of it, but I’m in a much better place when it comes to medical procedures because of my tattoos and
that may not make sense to a lot of you watching and that’s fine. The most important thing is
that it makes sense for me and that I am finding healthy and beautiful ways to deal with my trauma. So not that we got that out of the way, let’s get into my tattoos. I have four tattoos and I’m
in love with all of them. The first tattoo is right
here on I guess like my clavicle, shoulder area. I got it at Euphoria Tattoos
in Tallahassee, Florida by my friend Luis Gonzalez. He is very talented, I will put his Instagram
in the description below and it is the inscription on
Prince Zuko’s pearl dagger from Avatar: The Last Airbender. If you know anything about me, you know that’s my favorite show and Prince Zuko is my
all-time favorite character, so I had to get it. Now my second tattoo is
on the middle of my arm and it is from In the Heights which is one of my favorite musicals. There’s a song in the
musical called “Alabanza”, it’s a song in the musical
when Abuela Claudia dies. Abuela Claudia is Cuban
and her immigration story to the U.S. is very similar to my Wela’s and my
mom’s immigration story. So that song really means a lot to me and in the song they explain
what “Alabanza” means. It just means to raise the
very simplest things up to God and it doesn’t have to
be religious at all. My third tattoo is this
little tiny one on my wrist. This one, though, took
pain to another level. As you know, I’m Cuban and Puerto Rican and coquis mean a lot to me. They mean a lot to my family
and a lot of Puerto Ricans. Very personal memories
about coquis with my dad. I love coquis and so I
wanted it on my wrist. And my most recent
tattoo I got is this one on my wrist kind of area. I got this in Tallahassee, Florida again at Euphorias by Luis and it
is the island of Puerto Rico and the island of Cuba together. My dad was born in Puerto Rico, my mom was born in Cuba and my island and my
parents mean a lot to me. So, I just wanted it on me and I have it facing me so that whenever I’m going through it, I can remind myself where I come from. He also shaved my arm for it, so you can see the distinction and I’m waiting for that to grow back, but those are my tattoos, and I hope everything is
cleared up why I get tattoos even though I am terrified of needles, but if you have any tattoos and if they were used for healing, I’d love to know about that,
but that’s today’s video. If you’ve enjoyed it, don’t
forget to like this video and subscribe for more if
you wanna see more videos from me and if you like my work and you wanna help support me, the links to my Patreon and PayPal are in the description below
and until next time, bye. ♪ Woke up at 11 o’clock ♪ ♪ I ain’t got no job ♪ ♪ What the hell should I do today ♪ ♪ This feel like some
I don’t give a fuck ♪ ♪ Oh my god ♪ ♪ Shut the fuck up I ain’t
hearing what you gotta say ♪

6 thoughts on “Why I Get Tattoos With A Fear Of NEEDLES 💉 | #SpinaBifida

  1. I was nodding throughout the video. Your experience with needles mimics my own experience. I can fully understand your connection between tattoos and needles, even though I can't get them myself because of blood thinners.

  2. I hate needles too I had my own traumatic experience when I was a kid with them. I have Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and when I was 3 years old they had to run a test to determine what was wrong with me. This was the mid 80s before a DNA test was all that was needed to diagnose so basically what the doctors did is they inserted 200 electrode needles throughout my body while I was wide awake. Since then the sight of a needle makes me anxious and I get them a lot usually blood work and trying to find a vein in me is damn near impossible I get stuck several times before they find anything. I've gotten somewhat used to them over the years but I'm still very uncomfortable with them.

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