Kirstjen Nielsen Gets Deported from the White House | The Daily Show

Kirstjen Nielsen Gets Deported from the White House | The Daily Show

Today President Trump
continued his streak by firing the head
of the Secret Service. Yeah. Plus, get this,
to add actual insult to injury, it also came out that Trump has secretly been calling
this guy Dumbo because of his giant ears. Yeah. Which, you got to admit,
is super gangster, right? I mean, for two reasons. One, this is the person
protecting your life. And secondly,
normally the Secret Service has code names
for the president, but this is a president
who has code names for his Secret Service. He’s standing there like,
“Oakley is talking to Dumbo. And now here comes
Broken Condom.” (laughter and groaning) (applause) (laughs) I like how that was
a wave. That was nice. That was a wave. Yeah.
You guys got it first, then you took it all the way
to the back. I like that. But that wasn’t even
the most prominent firing of the past 24 hours, because the news rocking
the headlines has been this. NEWSMAN: Overnight,
Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen forced out
of the administration. Tensions between Nielsen
and President Trump have been simmering for months
but reached a boiling point after the president’s
furious response to the recent surge
in migrant crossings at the southern border. Just hours
after a face-to-face meeting with the president on Sunday, Nielsen submitted
her resignation. Oh, well, look at that. Kirstjen Nielsen,
the woman responsible for Trump’s border enforcement, has been deported out
of the White House. Ooh-hoo-hoo.
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. And you know
what makes it worse? Not just that she lost her job– it’s that Nielsen
is leaving this White House with her reputation in tatters. Remember, she was the face of the Trump administration’s
family separation policy, where kids were split from
their parents and kept in cages. So, basically,
the only job she can get now is working for R. Kelly. -(gasping)
-But the crazy thing, the crazy thing– I don’t even know who
you’re booing, R. Kelly or her. I don’t know what that means. But the crazy thing is that,
even though people on the left consider her cruel and inhumane, President Trump thought
she was too soft. REPORTER:
A person close to Nielsen says she’s been on thin ice
with the administration, often clashing
with President Trump, who has accused her
of not doing enough to stem the tide
of undocumented immigrants. She was always
in a tough position– seen as too tough on immigration
on Capitol Hill, not tough enough here
at the White House. Not tough enough? Yo, this White House
is weird, man. How you gonna get rid
of the “kids in cages” woman for being “too nice”? That’s like firing a cat for
not displaying its anus enough. It’s just like, “I’m sorry, cat,
we just needed more butt. We needed much more butt
than that.” And here’s the thing,
it-it was no secret to Secretary Nielsen
that Trump wanted her to be tougher on migrants,
right? He made that very clear to her and everyone else
within shouting distance. For months, President Trump
has been openly berating Secretary Nielsen
at cabinet meetings, pushing her to take more
and more drastic measures to stop the flow of migrants
at the southern border. According
to The New York Times… (reading): Wow. Trump would call her early
in the morning just to yell about the border? You know how horrible that
must have been? Think about it. We’re all traumatized
by Trump’s tweets at 5:00 a.m. Now imagine if the tweets came
into your bedroom every morning, all like,
“Hey! Caravans of rapists! “Weak Democrats love crime! And, by the way, covfefe.” But that’s right. Trump wanted Nielson
to block all migrants from claiming asylum,
which, by the way, is against U.S. law. And even though people have said
the United States needs to provide refuge to people who
are fleeing poverty and crime, Trump has made it clear that he doesn’t believe
their stories at all. The asylum program is a scam! Some of the roughest people
you’ve ever seen. People that look like they
should be fighting for the UFC. “Give him asylum! He’s afraid! “He’s afraid! “We don’t love the fact that
he’s got tattoos on his face. That’s not a good sign.” Okay, look,
I’ll-I’ll be honest, I get where Trump
is coming from. If I see someone
with tattoos on their face, I get uncomfortable, because I know they’re gonna try
and sell me their mixtape. You know? Yeah. They’ll say it’s free, but then they look at me funny
when I start walking away. And then I’m like,
“Should I have taken this? I’ve made a horrible mistake.” Anyway, look, the point is, Trump is clearly ignoring
all the women and children who are claiming asylum. He’s obsessed with the pictures of the guys who look, to him,
like UFC fighters. Which also might explain
why he wants everyone in cages. He thinks
it’s their natural habitat. And this shouldn’t be surprising
to us, because here’s the thing
about Donald Trump that you have to understand– to him, it’s all about
how people look. If you look
like a big, tough guy, you can’t be an asylum seeker,
in his mind. He wants people who look
how he expects them to look. Which is why he gets so excited
when he meets someone in the real world who looks like
a character from the movies. These are central casting.
If I’m doing a movie, I’d pick you, General Mattis. NRCC Chair Tom Emmer. This guy’s, like,
central casting. You couldn’t pick a better guy
in Hollywood. There’s no actor. You talk central casting.
These guys, you couldn’t– I mean, it’s incredible. They had a master sergeant,
I could take him right now, bring him to Hollywood,
make a military movie, and he’s the star of the movie. That happened once before,
you know. -Central casting.
You can’t cast like that. -No! You have– You don’t have
anybody in Hollywood that looks like these guys. He’s got ten people standing
behind him. Everyone is central casting.
Central casting. -(laughter)
-Glasses, pad, boom. I was the perfect person. I was, like, central casting. -(laughter)
-Really? You were central casting?
As president? I mean, I get as president,
uh, in a Sharknado movie, maybe, yes. I mean… “We’ve got to stop these sharks,
folks!” I get that. But, you see,
it’s really simple. And, if anything, this is
a great lesson for the migrants. Because it’s not your story
or your life that President Trump cares
about– it’s just how you look. Here’s my advice:
when you show up to the border, you just need to look
like the people Trump wants to see in America. So, guys,
grab an oversized suit, get a long, red tie, and– while you’re at it– throw
a tumbleweed up there as a wig. Yeah. Once Trump sees a million hims
trying to get into America, forget a wall– he’s gonna build
a ramp straight into the U.S. “It’s me! Let me in!”

100 thoughts on “Kirstjen Nielsen Gets Deported from the White House | The Daily Show

  1. 2:20 So Kristen Nielsen was not enough of a racist bitch to be considered worthy of being a part of the Trump administration? I thought being cruel even casually cruel was good enough to join the Trump administration. 😒🤔🤔

  2. People that look like they should be fighting in UFC does not mean they are bad? UFC fighters can't stop bullets either. THIS IS WHY HE DOESN'T BELIEVE THEM? Believing them isn't a reason anyway! Like his judgment is right? Let us go through how many people have been through his office! JUDGEMENT IS NOT HIS DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC, EITHER!

  3. Immigrants dressed as trump would blow his mind. Ha haa! Central casting. What?

  4. We might have to believe Trump, because if there is one thing he knows about is scams, his university, his charity, etc.etc,etc.

  5. Regarding immigration, DC Fats acts like the country is one of his grossly overrated kitschy resorts and he's the bloated overfed owner and proprietor standing behind the front desk turning people away, with that squinty eyed petulant smirk on his face, while waving his widdle index fingers.

    It's only a matter of time before the Treasonous Bloviating Bag of Ass Wind signs an Executive Order re-naming the country as "The United States of Amar-a-Largo." He'll of course affix it with with his yuge signature that looks like something scrawled by an attention seeking hyperactive five year old Drama Queen who stole a black magic marker from the teacher's desk.

    Then he'll hit the road so he can brag about it at a Hillbilly Nuremberg rally – working up the crowd of CroMAGAtards and genetically compromised bullies, stooges, yahoos and fools with one of his rambling diatribes comprised of the usual number of baseless insults and accusations, incoherent gibberish and narcissistic preening – all delivered through his puckered gob that looks like the mouth of a poison spitting homunculus (Look up the YouTube video for a "poison spitting homunculus" if you don't believe me).

    "Orinj" is the New Horrible. Resist the idiokeptocracy.

  6. 90% of people coming across the border are NOT refugees, they are economic migrants. They need to wait in line like everyone else that lives in a poor country. My family and I did it, so they need to do it as well. This is ONLY Fair.

  7. Is it possible to avoid using video clips of Trump or possibly change his hateful voice to Elmer Fudd, a valley girl, Mickey Mouse your choice.
    I find seeing and hearing his hateful voice revolting and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only American suffering from his malignant normality form of reality

  8. This is no laughing matter decent human beings that are being tortured and treated like animals enough seen enough with this fucking shower head of a resident somebody needs to do something about this fucking idiot Sony a matter of time before somebody squares off

  9. wont be surprised if the replacement conducts lynching and public executions at the border just to please this demented pervert TRUMP

  10. Honestly i feel bad for neilson. If you watch interviews congress gave her, you can see in her micro reactions heavily point to guilt, at one point she looks like she might cry. I could be wrong, but Her specialty before working for trump was cyber security. I kinda feel like she got roped into it, but she played along with it. Play in trouble, lay in trouble, sorry lady.

  11. President Donald Trump, speaking at a White House conference to promote the program, said governors in all 50 states and U.S. territories had designated 8,700 neighborhoods as Opportunity Zones, making these economically depressed areas eligible to be used for the federal tax incentives.

    The program was included in the $1.5 trillion tax cut legislation that Trump pushed through Congress in 2017.

    The new Opportunity Zones were set up to enable private investors to re-invest profits into designated areas. The investor can get a tax benefit by deferring their capital gains taxes invested in the zones until 2026. They also get a discount of up to 15% on the capital gains profits invested in the zones and pay no capital gains taxes on investments in the zones held for at least 10 years. What a GREAT President!

  12. A show only basement dwelling gamers will watch.. Hope you see what you haven't been told…
    Bye, Bye Mainstream!! The worm is about to turn!!

  13. Is there some way we can convince Trump to fire all of his secret service at the same time… then just watch what happens when he is out of the country without them?

  14. I wonder how Sarah Huckabee Sanders will react if Trump cuts her loose. Will she then say Trump is an ASSHOLE and a CROOK.

  15. Trevor does silly voices and jokes. Cat butt. Yeah ok. I like political news reviews from @daviddoel , The Rational National on yt. 1000x more informative.

  16. Sad… I accidentally watched this. Do people really think this guy is funny? All his material is so far from reality, and horribly ignorant. I thought people were waking up, apparently the media is still taking orders from Hillary….

  17. Really sick and sad when the President is rambling in nonsense about which of his generals could be casted into Hollywood rather than taking national/international issues seriously.

  18. Trevor I get that you're South African but the Family Separation Act STARTED UNDER OBAMA!! Yes the Mocha Messiah who tosses salad started taking kids from their "families" & keeping them in cages, NOT TRUMP.

  19. It's not illegall for the President to block all immigration legal or otherwise..the Constitution gives him that power.

  20. Randy & kris provided logistics for trumps assassination attempts is what’s floating around….. reportedly….


  22. If you want to see evil, if you want to see a demon, if you want to see the Devil in human form look at Trump.

  23. The Nazi Scandinavian is now on footing with those Nazi women who took those little boys and girls into the gas chambers. She and Trump will always be equated with the Holocaust. She offered her soul and body to a madmen and now she will have to pay the price.

  24. Lol, She got kicked, because she was too soft.

    Word is, Trump is trying to get a hold of Satan for the job, problem is, seems like Satan is not picking up the phone, some might suggested that he is trying to avoid Trump

  25. I don’t understand Nielsen was reinforcing the law which is what she was hired to do! If migrants went through the ports of entry there would be no separation of child and parent🤬
    Also, 10,000 out of the 12,000 children were accompanied by strangers and traffickers. That’s why they were separated! Left cares more about feelings and lying propaganda than facts.They were saving children lives from rape and human smuggling.
    And Trevor, your a freaking idiot and have no facts to back yourself up. You’re not even funny!

  26. Kids are not kept in cages

  27. I am Groot I tried to hold my tongue but after listening to a couple of hours Donald Trump actually speak I realize this guy is a f**** moron and anybody who actually voted for him and heard him speak first what the f*** was you thinking something's wrong with this dude did he play football when he was young was he in a car accident lately did he ride the yellow bus when he was a kid the little one what the f*** is wrong with this dude he was like watching Steve Carell smoking flakka what the hell is going on if you voted for a guy you're f**** racist no doubt about it just kill yourself I am Groot

  28. At least with that dotard as "president" the world can see America for what it really is. Never been a "melting pot", never will be.

  29. Ok I know she’s horrible, I hate that woman, but I fell like she might’ve been pressured by Trump.

  30. The most pathetic part about this presidency is the fact that Trump is breaking federal laws by demanding his officer's break federal regulations – he is not allowed to make illegal orders to his staff, by law. What is this? His constitutional right to have freedom of speech and let Putin object to the way the laws are written here? Huh, nice. FUck off trump.

  31. I'm genuinely curious if Trump could mistake his reflection in the water for himself and drown trying to save himself…


  33. If I was a celebrity, I would use my power and influence to get the word out that Donald Trump is:
    1. Racist
    2. Sexist
    3. Homophobic
    4. Xenophobic
    5. A rapist (22 times, people!)
    6. A dick

  34. These countries are the way they are due to America’s intervention the past 100 years. We already know how our “interventions” turn out.

  35. Official Mock Election ACTIVE operation Desert Storm war . is CNN going to Use Kathy Griffin to PROMOTE ISIS after RALLY?
    Where Was the 1995 Patient Privacy National Security act was Established From – Classified / Privacy ?
    MY Brain With the 1995 Indefinite Nuclear Non proliferation treaty and 1985 WMD treaty with Iraq. Does not give anyones GOD Judge the right to attack and rape the CHEMICALS in my brain for it.
    When is Lazarus going to persecute me for HIPAA religious freedom. I swore on the US HOLY Bible 2 times under oath SO HELP ME GOD I wrote HIPAA religious freedom and he did not help me. He punished me.

    KATHY GRIFFIN is the reason the palm bay FBI put me on the list with AL-QUEADA. They were influenced-Coerced. Forest Gump knew who the current US President was on South Park was it Jenny or Kenny who dies at the end ? Like the difference between the Y and the i at the end of my last name from WWII.
    Must have been Kenny because I wrote first names only Mental Health and Women are NOT Navy Seals who get raped often by the U. S. military. Couldn’t be Jenny. 
    Kelly MD phd Royal 
    active Navy seal Team 6 DEVGRU operation desert storm war.

    Has KATHY GRIFFIN on CNN signed her HIPAA national Security Health right since 1996?
    I have a 1994 U. S. President Bill Clinton order to Protect and US President Bill Clinton signed 1996 federal HIPAA law after me.
    has he signed his HIPAA right since 1996 ?
    Every U. S. Citizen in this Country who has Signed their Federal HIPAA right after me is a Patient. I Am the 1995 Hiroshima Nakajima Science and Space World Health MD who signed HIPAA inn 1995.
    1996 HIPAA is a NATIONAL SECURITY privacy/Classified HEALTH ACT

  36. I have Fired Trump !!!!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
    Bernie Sanders is his Replacement 🧐🧐🧐😎😎😎👹👹👹👹👹👹🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫

  37. I have experienced this kind of opinions by UNHCR officials and a country's officials. The most stupid thing I've ever heard.

  38. Trump struggling to wrap his head around why Hollywood typecasts actors in movies. A plumber shows up to fix something and for Trump it's like… "OMG you look just like a REAL PLUMBER I saw in a MOVIE once! REMARKABLE! Central Casting!!"

  39. Block migrants from seeking asylum. Is that another crime done under this administration that is not going to be taken seriously? Pelosi you still need more crimes to impeach?

  40. If u truly knew your God you would know His plan, STAY OUT OF THINGS U HAVE NO IDEA OF THE BIG PICTURE AND GODS PLAN, wake up people, if u cant understand what Trump is doing be still, and thank God for what He is doing for you. Time to bring God back to America. If you dont want a better world, stay in your ignorence

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