Key & Peele – Auction Block

Key & Peele – Auction Block


– ALL RIGHT,
Y’ALL GATHER ROUND.
GATHER ROUND.
WELCOME, GENTLEMEN. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY
FOR AN AUCTION. ALL RIGHT, Y’ALL,
GET ON UP THERE. – PUT THAT WHIP DOWN
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, THOUGH. – STRAIGHT UP. I DON’T CARE WHAT PLANTATION
I END UP ON. I’M STRAIGHT STAGING A REVOLT
IN THIS MOTHER[bleep]. – HELLS YEAH. – WE HAVE LOT A,
LOT B, AND LOT C. – UH, $3 ON LOT A.
– $4. – 5! – $5 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD. LOT A GOES TO THE MAN
IN THE BLACK HAT. – I MEAN, GOOD.
– YEAH. – [chuckles] I’M GLAD
I DIDN’T GET SOLD, ‘CAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE OWNED
BY ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. – WHOEVER BUYS ME, THEY BETTER
KILL ME THE FIRST DAY, OR I’MA GO BUCK-WILD
ON THE WHOLE OPERATION. – OKAAY? – NEXT ONE,
GET UP ON UP THERE, NOW. – OH, THIS–OKAY. both: [inhale] – $6 ON LOT A. – $7!
– EIGHT. – 9! – $9 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD! both: [exhale] – OKAY, WELL,
YOU HAVE TO BUY THAT DUDE. – IT’S A NO-BRAINER.
– I MEAN, THAT GUY’S HUGE. – A MASSIVE INDIVIDUAL. – THAT’S TWO OF ME.
– ANYBODY WOULD BUY HIM. – I’D BUY THAT DUDE. – MY QUESTION IS
HOW’D THEY CATCH HIM? – NEXT! – OKAY. OH, YEAH.
– YEAH. – $2 ON LOT A. – $2 GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD. – SEE, NOW,
THAT SURPRISES ME. – THAT IS INTERESTING,
TO SAY THE LEAST. – I MEAN, WELL, IT JUST SEEMS
LIKE AT A CERTAIN POINT, IT’S LIKE, DO THEY EVEN KNOW
WHAT THEY’RE LOOKING FOR? – IT’S LIKE
THE WHOLE CRITERIA SEEMS JUST A LITTLE
INCONSISTENT. – I MEAN, AT SOME POINT,
I WANT TO BE ON LOT A. – YEAH, WHICH–
CAN A BROTHA GET ON LOT A? – NEXT. – OH, HERE WE GO.
– HERE WE GO. – BEEN A PLEASURE.
– GIVE ‘EM HELL. – ALL RIGHT.
– OKAY. – $8 ON LOT A. – GOING ONCE, TWICE,
THREE TIMES, SOLD! – HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?
– NOPE, NOT TRUE. – HOW DOES IT HAPPEN? – WHAT YOU JUST SAID–
THAT’S GOBBLEDYGOOK. OKAY? THAT CAN’T BE TRUE.
‘CAUSE WHAT CAN THIS DUDE DO? LOOK AT HIM.
WHAT COULD HE PICK? A COTTON PLANT
IS, LIKE, THIS TALL. – YES.
– I’M SAY– NO OFFENSE, BROTHA,
I’M JUST SAYING. – OFFENSE TAKEN.
– WHA–[gasps] AM I WRONG? IS HE NOT SHORT?
HE’S SHORT. BUT YOU ARE ACTUALLY SHORT
IN REAL LIFE, IN THE WORLD. – YOU’RE GOOD, MAN.
– ENOUGH. I WILL NOT HAVE
MY REPUTATION TAINTED, SELLIN’ SUPERFICIAL,
BIGOTED SLAVES. – SUPERFICIAL? DID THAT REALLY
JUST COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH? – THAT’S IT!
THIS AUCTION’S OVER! – AUCTION’S OVER?
– WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. NO, IT’S–IT AIN’T OVER.
IT’S NOT OVER! I’M STRONG, Y’ALL! I’M VERY STR–
I CAN SLEEP IN A BUCKET. – I’M FAST, I GOT STAMINA,
AND I KNOW MAGIC. – MY WORST QUALITY
IS THAT I’M A PERFECTIONIST. – LET ME MEN–
HAVE I MENTIONED THIS? DOCILE. I AM AGREEABLE
TO A FAULT. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE DUDE
WHO ASKED ME TO GET ON THE BOAT WHEN WE CAME OVER HERE. – NOT A VIOLENT BONE
IN MY BODY. – I JUST WALKED RIGHT ON,
NO BIG DEAL. NEVER SEEN A BOAT
IN MY LIFE.

98 thoughts on “Key & Peele – Auction Block

  1. Subscribe to the new Key & Peele YouTube channel for all the classics as well as new-to-YouTube sketches: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdN4aXTrHAtfgbVG9HjBmxQ?sub_confirmation=1

  2. BLACK PEOPLE HAVE THE HIGHEST SELF PRESEVATION
    PSYCHOPATH MECHANICS WHICH ENABLED WILL BE SLAVES FOR EVER. AND WHERE

  3. All jokes aside though, itโ€™s sad to think that there was a time where you could buy a person for 5 dollars. Yes, I know that the dollar went way further back in the day, but a human life is always too valuable to be sold. Such a shame

  4. How much longer is Hollywood going to push this shit I didt own any slaves or my family own slaves ! Tired of hearing the Same old crock of fucking lies and bull shit! fuck Hollywood and there racist acting! people will never get along if you don't start tuning a new page I had nothing to do with its shit !and the US government has Brain washed everyone that slavery was the reason for a war between the Confederates and the United states .bull shit ! Its because people in the south would not pay the government taxes same as today if you pay attention to what's going on now the government just wants the blacks and the whites the start a race war to thin out the population so they can brain wash us the United states people on TV ever day In order to cause friction between whites and blacks . That's fucked up but it's TRUE….

  5. This must be the year MOST modern black people still live in? I mean blacks walk around moaning and groaning as if yesterday THEY were on the auction block, so it must be the metaphysical space their collective minds, have become lodged into? BLACKS! Go tell Lincoln NOT to go to the theater!!

  6. So I ask blacks all the time, what horrendous terrible crime did their ancestors pull in Africa,
    to be tossed the hell out like they were? Yup, makes me wonder. Oh boy, yes indeed.

  7. I tried my best not to laugh, but this shit is funny as hell. Slave: I'm fast, I got stamina and I know magic!

  8. It's funny people bitch about slavery and race when they are the ones wont get off the damn shit. So the ones still harboring over the past should be the racist cause they wont let the shit go damn. The racists are the ones who see skin color aka the ones who dont let go of shit.

  9. Either it's obvious and no one's said it, or no one has noticed. Every single guy on lot A is darker than Key and Peele. Maybe darker skin=better worker ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  10. Watch this a whole bunch of times and it still cracks me up.. .

    Scum bag slaver โ€œI will not have my reputation tainted selling superficial bigoted slaves….โ€.

    LOL

  11. So these are Democrats buying only pure african slaves, while half white slaves are being left on the shelf. Outrage !!!

  12. Should have made the auctioneers Jewish for historical accuracy. In fact, Jews ran most of the salve trade and owned the majority of slaves.

  13. ๐Ÿ˜‚The only proper response to this is laughing. Key & Peel have always written jokes about >People< all of us.

  14. I was writing a paper on the abolition of slavery for my history class and this skit came to my mind. Had to watch it again lol

  15. Can I still laugh at this or do I have to go all triggelypuff? Don't tell the libtards about this or they'll sue… on behalf of Key and Peele

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *