Getting the WORST tattoo ever (ft ChillyPanda & TheDanocracy)

( Distant sound of tattoo machine )
*Buzzzzz* ( Buzzing Intensifies ) “Hmmm…”
( Buzzing Intensifies ) ( Buzzing Intensifies ) ( Buzzing stops ) BIKER (The Chilly Panda):
So, what’ll it be chief? Chad: Mmm I think?… That one! BIKER:
Oh yeah, good choice! My brother Donny drew that in honor of a
bank we robbed. He drew it from prison but he– CHAD (Being Chad):
No, no! Not that one. THAT one! GABROLL:
Tattoos are… weird. Hi mom! It’s me, Gabroll. And I’m here to tell you about
the worst tattoo I ever got. At their best, tattoos can be a beautifully
defining piece of art that captures a person’s soul. But at their worst?… ( Garbled yelling & tattoo buzzing ) But, first things first. If you don’t know a tattoo is a type of body art, kind of
like piercings, or novelty socks. A tattoo is an ink image put under your skin using needles on a motorized armature. And if the phrase ‘under your skin’ didn’t
give it away… TATTOO BLOB:
It’s permanent. About 1 in 4 people have tattoos but for some
reason I know a lot of them. DISGUISED CHILD:
I don’t have any tattoos because I’m just two kids trying to sneak into the movies. Maybe that’s just because I grew up in
Southern California and all my friends were skaters or rock musicians. SURFER: “Shyaa, brah!” “Surf’s up!!” “HANG TEN!!!” “AVOCADO TOAST!” Whatever the reason tattoos were normal
to me because I saw them everywhere. TATTOO: “Ze plane!” * WHOMP *
GABROLL: Not now, dude. There’s actually a lot
of stigma surrounding tattoos even now. Some people think they represent a
culture of misfits and deviants, but people I’ve known with tattoos have been
the most kind and genuine people I’ve ever met. Besides, in my experience there
are a lot more criminals in big corporations than there are in
tattoo parlors. ( Sinister laughing ) Anyway, growing up, most of my friends, mentors, colleagues,
and even grown-ups, all had tattoos. One day, my friends and I were hanging out at
a local skate park and our friend Benny ran up
showing off his new back tattoo. BENNY:
Check it out, guys! ‘Straight-edge!’ GABROLL:
Uhhh… nope? That says, ‘STRA-GHT edge…’ BENNY:
Don’t even joke around like that dude! GABROLL:
I’m… not joking. Here. Look. ( Taiko drum beats ) BENNY:
For the longest time I decided not to ever get a tattoo myself just so I could be different. Eventually though, I caved… Thanks to a meaningful situation and a little peer pressure. If you didn’t see my ‘Jobs’ video * Link in the description… * You might already know that when I was a
teenager I started a company, with my friend, Declan. DECLAN:
What’s up? Declan is covered in tattoos. One night, him and I were walking through a ‘Bullseye’ store as you do when you’re young and broke. OLD MAN:
I’m old and broken I do it too! Both: STRANGER DANGER!! [ Insane screaming ] We were busy killing time when a graphic design caught my eye. Dude, look how stupid this is! This isn’t even funny, AND it’s ugly. Isn’t it crazy? This is somebody’s job. Somebody made this and got paid for it! Dude, WE could do this… We SHOULD do this!… Let’s do this… We spent a couple more hours that night talking about what we’d do differently. First off, our designs would be funny. We’d only make what made us laugh. And second? HILLBILLY:
No cussin’! [ Bullet ricochets ] We wouldn’t use profanity or innuendo. And it’s not because I’m a ‘goodie-goodie.’ While I think that kind of content CAN actually be funny, Some of the best comedians in the world
acknowledge that it’s sometimes ‘low-hanging fruit.’ Voice of Dissent:
Wait. Isn’t THAT innuendo? it’s actually sometimes harder to write ‘clean’ jokes than it is to write for shock value alone. Plus, it totally limits your audience. While tons of YouTubers complain about ‘Demonetization,’ I actually kind of get it. You can reach so many more people with clean content, and advertisers are paying for the number of eyes. ADVERTISING MOGUL:
Yes, I would like one ‘eyes,’ please. Anyway that first year of business was incredible. We had no idea what we were doing,
but it was so much fun. And our very first design was based on a story. When Declan and I started the company we knew we needed some start up capital. So we had the bright idea of starting a band. Because if there’s anything that’s known
for making tons of money, and definitely not for being broke, it’s musicians. (Please say sike) One night we were driving around and Declan said, Okay, DUDE. What’s the most emo name you can think of? I dunno… Casper? Like the ghost? Well, I mean, he’s a GHOST who
doesn’t have any friends, so… Well, MY idea was to add ‘Penpal’ after some ’emo’ name. That way it’ll be 10 times moodier. Trust me, everyone will love it! So that same night we started an acoustic cover band called ‘Casper’s Penpal.’ And surprisingly? It lasted for a while and it DID make us a few bucks, although I’ll tell you that story some other time. It was such an awesome experience though that I decided that I would try and make that our first design while teaching myself how to draw on the computer. Aaaand this was pretty much the result. It was definitely way too weird without any context, but there was a part of it that we loved and we kept it as our first design. VOICE of DISSENT:
WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH TATTOOS?! Well, like I said, that first year was crazy. We worked day and night, and we managed to go from getting kicked out of our friend’s store to getting huge orders from stores like ‘Bullseye’ and ‘Urban Cowfitters.’ * (infamous) swoosh * SASSY: “Moo.” We made more than a MILLION dollars that first year. LESS SASSY: “Oh, dang!” When we finally realized our one-year anniversary was coming up we thought about what we should do. Declan, we’ve been working really hard this year. True. So I was thinking we should do something BIG. Me too! We deserve it, man! So what do you say? Let’s go… …to Sooubway. Dude, wha? N – no. Dude, no. What’re – whaa… What’re sayyehh?! Look, I got a better idea. Let’s get TATTOOS! Ahhh, I don’t know man… I don’t have any? What would we even get? How ’bout our first design? AND we’ll tattoo it on our heads! [ Record scratch ] That . . . . . is the STUPIDEST thing . . . . I’ve EVER heard. So, that’s what we did! We got tattooooooooos! Somehow, I agreed to getting a small face tattooed right next to my real face. …behind my ear to be exact. And if you think that’s a bold place to get a really weird, no-context face as my first tattoo… You’d be right. But I actually came to love it. To me it represents that entire chapter of my life, and it actually isn’t the worst tattoo I ever got but it WAS the least painful, believe it or not! It’s worth mentioning, tattoos can HURT. Your skin is a sensitive organ. It covers your entire body, and without it… we’d die. **Translated from Shingeki no Kyojin: “Ow…” So we have to treat our skin well, especially if we decide to cover it in ink. When I was 10, my mom took me to see a skin doctor. I didn’t really like him because he always had these weird rashes on his hands and face. Like, dude… You’re a skin doctor. Anyway, the checkup was going fine but then he saw a suspicious mole on my back. Hmmm, what’s this? I don’t know… …it’s on my BACK. Well, I don’t think it’s anything to worry about but just to be safe, I want to cut it off, and send it to a lab and see what it’s made of!! Now, I had just spent the last hour staring at a ‘How to Spot a Weird Mole’ poster in his office, so I was kind of an expert by this point and immediately I knew… I WAS GOING TO DIE!!1! [ Wimpering over sad music ] Give it to me straight, doc. Am I gonna die? Hmmmm… …Yes. [ Bizarre squeak noise ] Well, I mean eventually! Everybody dies! So, the doctor biopsied the mole and sent it to a lab where they did whatever tests they do for moles. It took months to get the results back. [ Inner Dialogue ]: “I knew it…” “I spent way too much time in the Sun…” “That’s it. I am never going to be outside again!” Ahh… dog gonnit. Eventually though, we were called in to hear the verdict. As it turns out, my mole wasn’t a mole at all… …it was a tattoo. I had a tattoo on my LOWER BACK! I was the only 10 year old in my class with a tramp stamp. The reason it looks like a mole though is because it was just a dot and the doctor said it had been there for years. Now, I know what you’re thinkiiing… and I wasn’t in a Baby Biker gang growing up. Hey, baby! Let’s roll… Okay! My doctor said he wasn’t sure but to him it look like the pigment might be from a pen or pencil. and at THAT moment I knew what it was. In kindergarten I was friends with a kid named Daniel. He was always really smart, and funny, and he turned out to be a
really great guy… …but in kindergarten that kid stabbed me. My school, like all schools, had these tiny little chairs with holes in the back. I guess those are there so our backs can breath?… VOD:
Nailed it! But I say we should BAN those chairs because they’re dumb and totally advocate backstabbing! CAESAR: I will now choose my inner circle! Mmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm… Casius, Brutus… WAIT. Not that kid… I don’t trust him. One day, we were in Baby School® learning about Baby Stuff™ and out of NOWHERE, Daniel decides to kabob me with a No. 2 pencil through that hole in the back of the chair! There was screaming, and blood… and Dan got sent home for the day. And all these years later, the tip of that pencil was still lodged in my back, under my skin… …just like a tattoo. Simply, based on that experience, and the health scare it gave me later, AND the scar I ended up with from the biopsy this was, without a doubt, the worst tattoo I ever got. These days, I think I’m done getting tattoos at least for now. But if you’re ever thinking about getting one You HAVE to consider the consequences REALLY hard. That guy I started a business with? We don’t work together anymore. But he still has that company logo tattooed behind his ear for the rest of his life. … Kind of. And my friend with the typo? He had to get it covered up with giant black bars. [ Sobbing ]: I’m okay… Meanwhile, I have a few tattoos I could live without myself. Just make sure that whatever you do the message you’re trying to send is something that you’ll be okay with a lifetime from now. CHAD: Oooohh, yeaaahh… Whadda you think, babe? KIMBERLY: I want to break up with you. It’s kind of funny. Every time I tell that story it seems like SOMEONE interrupts me like, “Oh! Oh! Look at my hand! That happened to me too! I’ve got one on my arm! As if we all survived “The Great Pencil Wars” growing up. I’m SO thankful that you spent the last
few minutes with me. I really appreciate you! And I really want to thank Dan from The Danocracy for voicing Declan and I want to a special ‘thank you’ to Chilly Panda for voicing that burly biker. Stahp pls stahp kitty I love you but i have to record. They both did SUCH a great job and if you aren’t already subscribed to them, please fix that right now. I just wanted to let you guys know I’m giving away artwork and commission on Patreon so if you want to help me make these videos and get some behind-the-scenes artwork please consider supporting the channel there. But you should know, I send a high-five to the face with each piece of art. [ slap ] iiit’s beautifuuul… If you want to see another story go ahead and check out this video here. Also, if you just found me please hit subscribe. And if you’ve already done that hit that like button! MITTENS DESTROYER of WORLDS: “Meow.” Aaand if you’ve already done THAT… then thanks, mom. [ Noises of idiocy ]

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