BEND OVER! | Colon, Cataract Eye Surgery

BEND OVER! | Colon, Cataract Eye Surgery


*Wapoosh!* Top of the morning to ya laddies! I’m Doctor Jacksepticeye, and Welcome back to my ER. If you remember a while ago! I went through a phase where I played a lot of surgery games, and I really really liked them! But I kind of got burned out and left for a while so I stopped playing them, but I’m back, baby.. I’m back to kick you in the – well kick you in the colon with this one because the first one we’re doing is a colonoscopy procedure and what you should know and the thing that’s fascinating about these. This is the more realistic ones. The other ones were the cartoony ones with, uh, my nurse Suzy was sitting around and we got to operate on Billy and those kinds of things those are fun This one is the more serious one. I think we did a couple. last time, but, um, some of the – the thing about these ones is that I actually learn what happens during these procedures. So not only is it disgusting and like cringe inducing, but it’s also fascinating, so let’s get in and figure out! What’s going on? Whoa that was quick? Do you need to train your team, no. Dr. Jeff: “Hello and welcome to surgery squads virtual colonoscopy.” Hi Dr. Jeff: ” I’m Dr. Jeff and I will be guiding you through this colon today.” *voice cracks* My name is Doctor Jeff. “Also known as the large intestine, the colon is responsible for the final stages of the digestion” Yep, know it well. “It absorbs remaining water and electrolytes from indigestible food” Ohh. “It accepts and stores food remains that weren’t digested in the small intestine” I know that all too well. “And eliminates solid waste from the body” BY POOPING. (thanks Jack I really needed the clarification) “A colonoscopy allows your doctor to view inside your entire colon using a device called an endoscope” Nice, nice. “As the scope moves into your colon, your doctor views the output on the monitor (Ew ew!!) to check for growths or polyps” “there are several parts to the colon” *Jack groans in disgust* “The cecum ascending, the transverse, the descending and the signoid Okay. “A colonoscopy can check each one of these areas” “The one thing about having a colonoscopy is that a doctor can find polyps and remove them immediately. This is the most effective way to prevent the development of colorectal cancer” Yeah – it’s a good thing but– “However you’ll need to cleanse your colon 24 hours before the test” Ahhhh “By taking laxatives or performing a fleet enema.”
Did you clean your ass?? “Also, use of the endoscope might accidentally tear the colon walls and cause bleeding” *Jack looks horrified* “Plus you’ll need to be sedated during the exam which should take about 30 minutes or longer If any polyps are found. We have a 53 year old female waiting for her colonoscopy” “Let’s get scrubbed and take care of this” All right bend over Betty “Our patient is lying on her left side” “Knees drawn up to her stomach. She’s wearing a gown, and we have a sheet draped over her” “Let’s hook her up with an IV drip of the sedative” Okay, good. Okay, so we have to put in an IV drip sedative. All right, so we’re about to go in and figure out What’s wrong with a, with a butthole um! So, haha, if that’s if that’s not your cup of tea What is it? What is? I don’t fucking know click the vein sterilize the area with the alcohol wipe okay? There you go sterilize sterilize There you go, aw, all nice and clean. My god you have dirty hands.. *chuckles~* I just a sterilized your hand and everything else disappeared. Am I rubbing off the fake tan? I like that you can see that she has a wedding band. See! We’re getting, we’re getting a story behind… (shoot whats her name) Karen! (I know her name don’t second guess me) I don’t know okay Dr. Jeff. I’m going in. Ohhh god I would not like to get one of those in my hand. Ughhhh neeedles! Aww it fucks me up dog I don’t like it! “Great, I’ll make it now” “We’ll wait a few minutes for this sedative to take effect” okay “Our patient is sedated and ready She stated that she’s cleansed her colon, and I’ve already used a lubricated gloved finger to check for blockage” *giggles* okay “Be sure to tell the patient that she should breathe slowly through her mouth to relax her stomach muscles if she feels cramping *nods like a good boy* “We’ll insert the endoscope into the anus and slowly move it into the colon. The endoscope -” This is my life right now… “And a pair of forceps so we can remove any polyps we find” Okay! “First let’s lubricate the scope for easy insertion and passage through the colon” I thought you were going to say: First! Let’s lubricrate that ass! I mean I -… This is like a serious thing and this is supposed to be able to teach you how these things are done and to like train People in – it’s like an infomercial to show you what happens during these procedures But it’s just – I’m a fucking child okay? In my brain, I hear a colonoscopy, and then I hear anus and I’m like *giggle* Okay, Uhh… don’t even worry about it! Click and drag to apply a lubrication jelly on the endoscope, should I – “Carefully insert the scope into the patient’s anus and Slowly move it into the colon” I did not put near enough lube on that. I put it on like the end of it! I put it in the middle somewhere. This is not – this is not ready, okay? pucker up! “We can watch the cameras output on the monitor” There we go. “We’re into the rectum now” “Nothing, so far. Let’s move on into the signoid colon” *grimacing* okay! Into the rectum we go! “Slow and steady” “You’re doing a great job” Thanks (I think) “The ascending colons next. Now’s a good time to remind our patient to breathe slowly through her mouth – ” BREEEATHE “as we go through the exam” I just needs to get inside your asshole breAthe breathe deEP “All right, let’s move into the transverse colon” if you feel a tight pressure, um … Whoops!? “Uh-oh! looks like we’ve got a small polyp from the transverse colon will use the forceps to remove it” Is that really what your doctor would say? You’d be going inside, be like, *serious doctor voice* nurse how is our patient doing? good? Yes, okay, temperature? nominal. blood rate? heart rate? very good Whoops looks like there’s a little polyp in there Oopsie got a polyp Okay, here ya go Ewww, snip snip EWWW huhuhu “Fine work, we’ll need to remove” “the scope so we can bring the polyp out first, let’s use some heat to cauterize the spot and try to stop that bleeding” Dude this is like some fucking futuristic sci-fi shit! Use, use a little heat! “Fantastic”
THAT WAS THE SAME THING “Let’s slowly withdraw our scope and get that polyp out” Okay, can you not just like cut a bunch of them off and then like bring them all out one by one. “Let’s go back in to check the rest of her colon” Oh you poor lady. I’m sorry Breathe deep I’m going in “Remember the name of the colon where we found the polyp” Steve? “That’s right! The transverse colon” That was it! It was either Steve or Roger. I couldn’t remember transverse colon *disappointment* That’s what I was gonna name my firstborn Okay, get right up in there get all the way up in there. Here you go. Are we passing polyp town again? I think we are up around here is where we start. This is where we had a whoopsie *gross squishy body noises* Do you really have to add to sound effects This, this is my life right now, this is what I chose to do today *big smile* “Everything’s looking fine, and you’re doing a great job ” Aww thanks Dr. Jeff!” “Now is also a good time to remind our patient to breathe through her mouth” BREAATHE “Moving now into the ascending colon and” Here we go “There’s another one” WHOOPS “Let’s take it out the same way we did the other” WHOOPSIES. You just, you got a polyp in your colon! Whoops! okay snippety-snip snippety snap Clippety clip clippety clap. *starts singing* There you go Your a colon’s fixed! Out come the polyps, really quick! “Back in the ascending colon now, and we move into the cecum and all looks good Let’s take out the scope and get our patient into a recovery room” *grossed out* ookay I don’t think you’ll ever recover from that “And she’ll probably be there one to two hours “She might feel bloated or need to pass gas and since we removed two polyps” “She’ll probably have a small amount of blood in her stool” Since we’ve removed two pounds of anus “and we’ll perform a biopsy on the polyps” “She should call her doctor immediately if she has heavy rectal bleeding, lower abdominal pain, develops a fever, feels dizzy vomits or experiences swelling in her abdomen” I feel like you should just call your doctor anytime if those things happen “Good news! The biopsy showed our patients polyps were benign” *starts clapping* “Since she’s in her fifties” Very good. “And there were polyps found, she should have a colonoscopy every year. You did a great job today” Thaaaaanks Dr. Jeff!
“While you’re here, try your hand at one of our other surgeries here at surgery squad.com Dr. Jeff’s the best! He said I did a good job. Good job doctor! Doctor, Doctor, Doctor. Yes, good job everybody! We did it we removed those dangle bangles from the colon it’s all good the anus is clear. Aw let’s do the cataract eye surgery. (Please no, Jack) We’re going in with Dr. Suzi again! Hell yeah, I love Dr. Suzi. She’s so much better than that Dr. Jeff. He just named himself after a meme (but I thought we liked him D:) Dr. Suzi is the real biz-no. She knows what’s going on, She has trained me in many facets of my life Not just surgery, but also just how to be a better person, you know? There she is. Dr. Suzi: “Hello, and welcome to surgery squads cataract surgery” WHAT UP SUZ? *tries to give her a high-five but is rejected* “I’m Dr. Suzi, and I’ll be guiding you through this procedure today.” *high-fives self* Okay. “a cataract is a clouding of the lens inside the eye” aaAAah!! “The lens is located behind the pupil and focuses light on the retina” wait it’s located behind me? (get it cos he’s learning and is the pupil)
“a cataract causes loss of vision that can be corrected with glasses” I’M THE PUPIL. *ba dum tss* (thank you Robin) “contact lenses or even LASIK, so it must be surgically removed” Okay. “We are going to remove the clouded lens and replace it with a new one called an intraocular lens, or IOL” Wait! they can do that? This see this is all the types of stuff This is the stuff that just goes on in the medical world every single day. It’s like oh yeah we’re going inside your ass, and we’re cutting out all these things was a tiny little robot man or Yeah, your eyes are messed up, so we’re gonna stick in a new lens because we’re able to do that. I always thought that eyeballs like you couldn’t do anything with them because it was all messed up. But now I’m starting to think well. What did you think happened during cataracts? That’s a good question? That’s a good question that Dr. Suzi can answer. This is some futuristic sci-fi stuff. “The surgery takes about an hour it can be done on an outpatient basis” okay? “Today our patient is a 66 year old woman” Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait she was just in for a colonoscopy Karen What what happened in the in the two minutes that I talked to you? Well I didn’t really talk to you It just shoved a weapon to surpass metal gear up inside your ass, and I’m sorry about that okay We didn’t really talk first. I didn’t take you to dinner. Feel like I probably should have but now you’re 66 Jeez that colonoscopy aged you! It also made a cataract appear in your eye!! Made you half blind “She experiences blurriness in her vision. As well as decreased night vision She saw her eye professional and she detected cataracts” Well if she saw her eye professional then they couldn’t have been that bad. if her cataracts were that bad she wouldn’t have actually been able to see the eye specialist *bad joke ba dum tss* “Who recommended her to us for surgery” Stupid joke “Let’s begin!” (oh no!) Okay, “First, we need to administer a relaxing sedative intravenously” Is this it? “will make her drowsy, but not put her to sleep” (dear god) See! It’s the same. She’s still married! We still clean while we clean up her hand a small bit, but her hand turned back the same color again I feel like that’s what a shoulda happened the last time but no. Drag the needle and click the vein to administer the sedative through the IV. I know needles aren’t that bad I’ve gotten blood taken, I’ve had needles before, they don’t actually hurt. Every time I’ve gotten the needle it’s never hurt It’s never actually been bad. It’s just the thought of it that’s bad the thought of something going in Into that giant veeEIIn you see the fucking needle go in And then you’re like fucking Robocop after it I don’t like it!! It’s making my hand feel weird “Just prior to surgery, additional drops of anesthetic are applied” *waves hand in front of Karen’s eyes* Karen? Karen I think she’s out already. I don’t think we need to do anything Eye sedatives? That like that was the thing we did the LASIK surgery the last times But that was in the- that was in the other surgery game wasn’t I don’t think it was in this one. Because there was two different versions But, eye sedatives or something that I didn’t know existed, and then it was one of those things I was like wait. Yeah, of course they fucking exist.. Bloop bloop bloop!! Ha! Joke’s on you, this is actually pee! “We’ll use a device called a speculum to hold the eye open wide during the procedure” Okay, now you’re just making stuff up. We’re going to fix her eyeballs with this Intraocular lens-o and then we’re going to use the Speculum! Wait a speculum is just the thing that holds your eyes open isn’t it? “Place the speculum for me, please” What if I dont wanna we don’t wanna (well she said please) Oh god ah! When we were on the colonoscopy it’s like well, that’s inside you. I don’t really know anything about that I don’t know how stuff going inside there feels, but like stuff near my eyes I definitely know how THAT feels and this is something I don’t want to happen, and I’m one of those people that like gets very like weird. If someone’s doing arm surgery or someone like breaks their arm in a video. I’m like Oh my arm feels weird now! not my eyeballs are gonna feel weird.. “We begin this surgery with a small painless initial side port incision” (look away if squeamish) “This is called a limbo corneal incision. It’s done by making a small cut in the limbus with a crescent knife. ” Ohhhhh knives should not be near eyes Eyeballs, and i- knife balls do not go together. Don’t do it “Next we use the Crescent knife to make a corneal tunnel into the anterior chamber of the eye” Now you’re making up a bunch of shit. Now. Oh, this is gonna be so much worse isn’t it oh no, oh no EW EW EW EW!!! Fuck dude! “A thick transparent viscoelastic fluid is injected to fill the space between the cataract and the delicate underside of the clear cornea in front of it Okay? “This is done to keep the cornea from collapsing during the procedure” That’s actually very clever “Help me out and inject the fluid into our patients eye” Who new doctors were geniuses? and very very smart? I- I hope I never have to get anything done with my eyes Like this cos if- if I have to get surgery Somewhere like if I break my arm and somebody has to do surgery on it that that’s one thing I don’t want that But if that needs to be done. I’m like okay. Just knock me the fuck out y’all. I’m good or anything like that but Ohhhhh Having something done to your eyes Knowing that your eye has to stay open like that and they’re cutting your eye like how do you not move your eye around? How does your eye not get dry? How do you – like if anything comes near my eye, I immediately want to blink I know that that’s what this is for, but how? HOW? HOW? I don’t like it! *grossed out grunts* This is worse than a horror movie, Jesus “Now we need to make a two point eight five millimeter wide incision at the edge of the cornea for the cataract removal” Uh-huh? “This is done with an extremely thin diamond scalpel” How do people figure out how to do this? Years of scientific discovery and endeavor. Like somebody had to go through this without anesthesia without any of the proper completely microscopically laser precise tools Like back in the day of the fucking in like plague doctor days when there is like you’re dying anyway We might as well just experiment on you poke poke poke stab slice pull I DON’T LIKE IT! *grossed out grunt and blowing raspberries* “A bent needle is inserted into the incision and used to poke a hole Into the clear sack that holds the lens” Don’t poke a hole in the sack Okay, but do but UGHHHHHH “The needle is dragged to cut a line in the sack” *CHILLS* “With the incision made, we’ll insert the forceps to grab the torn sack and tear a circle out of it oOOOH NO! Ohh I would not be able to be a doctor. How do you people do this? “Now you will need to inject fluid into the incision to separate the lens from the capsule” You know what? No, I’m fine. I’m fine with with the cloudy blindness. No. I’m okay *nervous giggles* “This causes the lens capsule to float so that it can be rotated during the next step” cool? rotating lens caps… “We’ll now perform ..(??)” “emulsification or Phaco” “This is done by using ultrasound to break up the affected lens so it can be removed from the eye” *whispers* What?
“To do this we pulse and drag the device to cut across the cataract of lens” Use ultrasounds to break up the lens. That’s so cool (you might wanna close your eyes again – they’re going to crack it open) AHHH AHHHHHHHH (aHHHHH) “We repeat the Phaco from the other direction to create four pieces” THIS IS HORRIBLE (i agree) THIS IS HORRIFYING oh god, don’t do it again, don’t do i- *cries in fear!* it’s like uh opening up a wormhole into the fucking hell The eye’s only orange because our surgical lights are reflecting off of the back of the retina, okay. “The Phaco is then used to suction out the pieces of the old lens” *hides in fear* “I’ll need you to remove the last remaining soft cataract material out of the eye” Oh my god… “Leaving behind the clear empty lens capsule.” Ohhhh this has been a fucking journey man. This, I- I mean I thought that this is gonna be like ‘ughhh’ inducing but not like this oh god Take out those little parasites. They actually look like little Uhhh they look like little parasites that – microscopic ones “…elastic fluid into the lens capsule to keep it from collapsing” See if you want to do all of this to me while I am completely knocked out. Wait are they knocked out? (no) They are knocked out aren’t they? What am I talking about? You put a sedative in their hand? Or are they early still awake. I don’t fucking know (they’re just drowsy but they’re still awake) I- I was so cringed by it that I forgot to pay attention to what was actually going on If you were knocked out, and this is happening? Aces! Then no problem at all at all at all But if you are still awake- well your eyes moving around though, and I’m confused ah, that one wasn’t so bad “The flexible interocular lens is rolled up for insertion by the assistant and placed in a soft tube” “The IOL is now injected through a tube into the vacant lens capsule” I – this is like the start of Jurassic Park where they like stick it into the amber to try and get the mosquito blood Don’t get me wrong. This is absolutely fascinating I had no idea that this is how this stuff was done and the fact that humans are actually able to do this to fix your vision like that. Cos your eyeball is like one of the most complex parts of your body If not the most complex for how small it is and how much like mechanical bits are all inside it, and how it actually makes you see It’s a fascinating piece of evolution I guess you could say and The fact that we’re able to mess around with it like that and fix it and not do any like Permanent damage when unless your doctor is a fucking idiot, but that’s just so cool, but also *grossed out grunt* *fup* do it do it Nice “is used to spin the lens into place” Wait— is not is not in place? Also stOP grabbing someone’s eyeball like that It’s so weird. It’s like one of those like foldable tent things or like those green screens, you can get where it’s just like POOF Okay, okay, okay rotate sure why not *makes slurpy mouth sounds* oooh do you have to – ? “the fluid we added to the eye will need to be removed and any remaining microscopic Cataracts fragments should be rinsed out as well” Very nice “The incisions in the eye are generally self-sealing” “Very rarely that we need to add a suture to close the incision” WAIT WAit wait people get their eyes sutured???? No, also do you have to have those cool strings? It makes you look like you’re somebody from Naruto or like you have like a cyborg-eye Man, I can’t wait to the days when Elon Musk’s make Elon Musk make cyborg eyes “In our patients case we don’t need any sutures” Good job Karin. “…is now in place. Our patient will need someone to drive her home after cataract surgery.” Yeah, Karen Okay, you can’t drive home All right, it’s a wonder you drove here at all the first time with that cataract, but now you’re under anesthesia so you need you need some someone to come help you is your is your husband around? “until she’s cleared at her follow-up appointment tomorrow” Is Jim around? Okay? “We’ll prescribe medicated eye drops to use several times each day for a few weeks after the cataract surgery” “And she’ll need to wear a protective eye shield while sleeping or napping for about a week after surgery” That’s that’s badass Karen. Okay, you can just go around pretend that you’re someone from a horror movie “A special pair of post-op sunglasses will also need to be worn to protect your eye from sunlight” AND you get some Tommy Wiseau glasses? Aw Karen, you’re so cool. Karen, you know what? You look ten years younger! Or like 14 from the last surgery. “Avoid bright light as her eye recovers” “You did a great job today surgeon! While you’re here try your hand at one of our other surgeries here at surgery squad.com” You know what? You know, you know what Suzi you know, I think – I think I’m going to leave that one there. I think I’ve seen enough horror for one evening I don’t want to have to go through that again any time soon because *Shivers!* Anyway doctor doctor doctor doctor!! Doctor well the life of a doctor is an absolute roller coaster you do so many different things all the time and you almost Break a human’s body to the point where it starts working again, so good job doctors I think that should be their tagline doctors breaking humans until they work again That was fun though Like I said as you go through these things Like endoscopies and all that kind of stuff. I kind of knew how they worked but cataract surgery. I have never Like until now. I just realized that I didn’t even really think there was a way of fixing cataracts um And if anything I thought I was doing with like lasers or something. I don’t know that was fascinating I learned a lot in that one. I also learned how far the human body can be pushed before I Curl up into a ball and go into the fetal position, but anyway Thank you guys so much for watching this episode if you liked it punch that like button in the face! LIKE A BOSS! and high-fives all around ! *whapoosh* *whapoosh* Well THANK you guys and I will see all you dudes… IN THE NEXT VIDEO~~ Outros- I’m Everywhere By Teknoaxe So now that I’ve watched this I can come over and perform surgery on anybody

100 thoughts on “BEND OVER! | Colon, Cataract Eye Surgery

  1. I found out I had a cataract for like 8 months when I was 7 years old, I had a surgery, got my lens replaced and still have scars on the back of my eye, but for some reason it didn't help my vision overly much :/ but needed to be done or my eye would be unrecoverable if that makes sense 😂 then a year or a few years later my retina was torn 3/4 of the way and now my vision is screwed and am basically blind in 1 eye unless I close the other, but even if I do it is still extremely blurry and I can barely see with it and I even wear glasses 😆 also, those lines from the stitches get covered up eventually, I have to permanently take the drops to keep my eye pressure down and that eye cover was torture 😂 and I had to use it multiple times due to multiple surgeries, AmAzInG 😀

  2. I once had to get two shots, the first one my doctor asked if I wanted him to countdown or just do it with no warning, I told him to do it with no warning then he started counting down from three, then the second one I told him to count down and what does he do, immediately jab the needle into my arm

  3. This is the first time I’ve watched Sean in a couple weeks because I’ve been really busy and oh god I’ve missed you sweet Irish shouty man!

  4. When i was five i had to get stung with a really big needle and since that im scared for needles im 10 now and im still scared of needles

  5. Jack: man I love dr Steve, dr Steve's the best
    Also Jack: ScReW Steve who does he think he is we got suzie now that's what it's all about he just named himself after a meme
    😂😂

  6. She saw her eye specialist..
    Jack: well clearly her eyes rnt that nad otherwise she wouldnt be able to see her 😂😂😂

  7. Made the mistake of watching this while eating soup. Had to clean down my table and change my clothes bc I sprayed it everywhere from laughing. Thanks, Sean.

  8. My dad had cataracts and got surgery on each eye on seperate days to get it removed. He said having his eye numb was the weirdest feeling ever since he didnt know if he was blinking or not.

  9. Jack: Transverse Colon, that was what i was gonna name my first born
    Me: Here comes more weird celebrity baby names for the world to know!

  10. I had one of those in my hand but I also had a tube in my neck with a plastic squeeze bottle hanging from my neck 🤣

  11. Haha I'm full of existential dread and these videos remind me of how I wish I had never been born or I was dead
    But I love the funny YouTube man

  12. Jack, my mom recently had a colonoscopy. My bro and I got left home alone. WE DID THE DUMBEST SH*T WE COULD THINK OF.

  13. My grandma had cataract surgery in both of her eyes and now she doesn't need glasses anymore (besides reading glasses)

  14. Omg this was one of the funniest thing ever. I am a OR nurse and do cataract surgeries all the time. Lmao!!! And yes, the patient is awake and talking to us. They say they see pretty colors. Thank you for this!!!!

  15. “Dad, why is my sister’s name Rose?”
    “Because your mother loves roses”
    “Thanks dad”
    “No problem

    transverse colon

  16. Jack, you would have to be awake! Otherwise your eye would roll to the back of your head, like it does as you sleep!
    YOU'RE WELCOME!😉💚

  17. Imm 22 years old and i haven't been this traumatized since that episode of courage the cowardly dog where the creepy guy goes "return the slab.."

  18. Just knowing that there is a grown man who laughs every time he hears the word "anus" is absolutely the reason that I love life

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