BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE TRANSITIONING

BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE TRANSITIONING


– We’re back. Ta-Dah! (laughs) – Hello, welcome back to a video. Hi, my name is MaryV. (laughs) I use she/her pronouns and
I identify as cis girl, and I identify as queer. – My name is Chella Man. I identify trans
masculine and genderqueer. My pronouns are he/him, and, what else? – Oh, I’m 20 years old. – I’m 19 years old. – Okay, so about a year and a half ago, we made a video titled,
Being in a Relationship with Someone Who’s Transitioning. This is a video on being in a relationship with someone who’s transitioning. Part one. Well, it wasn’t called part one then because we didn’t know we’d make part two. But because we got so
many questions after that, and a lot of specific
scenarios that people were wondering about, we
wanted to make part two. So here we are. – And I think we’ve also learned so much since we filmed part one. So I think, part one, but we
have a lot more to say now. – Yeah, yeah. So if you haven’t checked out part one, please go check it out. It’ll be linked below. And yeah, I talk about. – This is what YouTubers do. – Oh. – Link below. Sorry, we’re new at this. – I talk about what this exactly means, being in a relationship with
someone who’s transitioning, the definition of
dysphoria, and I cut it up into three parts. Dysphoria, support, and sex. We’ll be going over the same
things again in this video, but a little more because
I posted on my Instagram one of the question thingies. – Yes, ask features. – Asking people if they had
specific questions for part two. So I got a lot of questions
so went through some of them. – A lot of great questions, too, so thank you for submitting all of them. – Yeah, thank you, everyone because we want this to be
conversation with everyone. – Mhm. – That needs information. In the past video, we had
been together, I think, over 10 months, but now
we’ve been together for. – 10 months? – Yeah. – Wow. (laughs) Wait, really? – Yes. – I feel like it was a
lot longer than that. Maybe it was just because
we’ve been through a lot. Okay, sorry, continue. – And now we’ve been together
for two years and one month. – Yeah. So in the past video, I
was little over one month on testosterone. And now I’m about, I’m almost
one year and a half on T, and I could rant about this,
but I’m just going to say it feels absolutely incredible. And I really connect much
more to how I present now rather than back then. Also, huge update. This part January, January
10th, specifically, I got top surgery. And it was an incredible,
incredible experience. And if you check out
some of my former videos, I talk a lot more about that. In aw, it feels incredible. I am extremely happy with the results. I’m gonna stop there so
I don’t get too emotional or rant anymore, but a lot has happened. – Yeah. – Again, why we need to
make an update video. – Also, I wanted to say
this as a disclaimer. We can try our best to
answer these questions, but a lot of them are coming
from personal experience. And these are just our
ways that we have managed and dealt with the
situations that have come up, and things that work best for us. And we are just giving advice. But in no way, shape,
or form are we saying that this works for everyone. (laughs) Just advice to share. Okay, so again, I will splitting
this up into three parts, dysphoria, sex, and support. But then also including a
little bit about top surgery, being a partner in the relationship, and how to support, navigate that. And also a little bit about
testosterone, being a partner while your partner’s going
through that as well. So, here we go. First thing that we’re gonna
talk about is dysphoria, and I’m gonna include my last
clip of the definition of it because I still agree
with what I said, so. What is dysphoria? The definition of dysphoria. Dysphoria is when someone
feels uncomfortable or doesn’t connect with
their body mentally, and I feel like that’s the
best way to put it in short. – Yeah, it sucks. – When your partner has dysphoria, it’s something that you have to first off just have a conversation about. Ask them specifically
what makes them dysphoric, what could trigger their dysphoria, work together as a team to
see if there’s certain things that you can do help their dysphoria. – Communication is
really key, and I think, within that, honesty is so important. You can’t just expect
your partner to know. Although it may be something
that is on your mind 110% of the time, believe
me, I understand that, they don’t know what’s on your mind. They’re not mind readers. So, in as much as you feel
comfortable and safe with, it’s very important to just
have open communication across the board. – Try your best not to make
it your other partner’s job to educate you on what it means. Try your best to do
your own research first. On Google, on Instagram, on Tumblr, there are a lot of great
trans or nonbinary people that talk about dysphoria. Also now I think we should
jump into the questions that I got from dysphoria. – And thank you, you know, for doing that. You know, like, as your partner, it means the world to me
that although it’s not your responsibility, you go out
of your way to do that, and you dedicate time to
do that, and it shows me how much you care about me,
and how much you love me, and I’m just eternally grateful for that. And I think it’s very
important if your partner does do these things, let them know how much this means to you. I think it really gave me
hope about what I believe people would do for me and
how people should accommodate for others. – Yeah. So, oh my gosh, got a ton of questions. – Yes. Also, MaryV organized
these questions so well. On it like (clicks tongue). – First question. How can I reassure him
that I find him attractive without making him dysphoric? So this person specifically
used he/him pronouns for their situation, but
this could for anyone. Similar to this, how can
I reassure my partner that I find them attractive
without falling into toxic masculinity or anything like that? Overall just like, letting
them know how special they are, and how special they look
with or without clothes. Or if you can see that they
just are gleaming in one moment try to amplify that and being
like, yeah, you look hot. (laughs) Even in their darkest
moments of dysphoria, just letting them know that
you are still attracted to them because of their mind and soul. I don’t know, I feel
like I did that with you. – You did, yeah. I mean I, yeah. – I don’t know if it
sounded cheesy at any point. – Well this is the thing. Sometimes when you talk about
things that are really real and genuinely heavy to you,
they come out sounding cheesy, but anyone around you should
know, if they really know you, that it’s not cheesy
because you 110% mean it. – So I feel like, in short, that’s the best way to
answer that question. – She did do that. And I mean, it was so helpful. You can’t imagine when
I was in, like you said, the darkest points of my
dysphoria sometime when, even though I know it is unhealthy, sometimes I had to wear
my binder to go to bed. She would just always
start like showering me in compliments, or just like
telling me that she loved me. And it, in this dark, dark
moment, it shed some light on it. The smallest things as complimenting them can really change their entire transition, or specifically the darkest
moments of their transition. – So next question that someone asked, best way to comfort your
partner during a situation that makes them dysphoric. – Let’s think about a specific time when this happened with us. – Yeah. – Where I grew up, in short,
is very narrow-minded. When we both went back for my senior prom, like, I skipped senior year
but when back for prom, I went to it wearing a tuxedo. At the time, I was pre-T, and
I was surrounded by people who triggered me. Being in that atmosphere
that I grew up in again, and my binder, of course, I
felt like I couldn’t breathe. I got very dysphoric
at a time when ideally we should be having fun and
just dancing and laughing. – For me, I mean, that was the first time I really had to deal
with something like that or navigate something like that. I was just checking in
with you every so often, like, are you okay? How do you feel? Do you wanna leave? And I think for that situation,
if it’s something like you’re going out and either
you’re in an atmosphere that could trigger your partner, or your partner’s wearing
something that could trigger them, just checking in every once in a while. How do you feel? And giving that option
of being able to go home. Even though I know it sucks
having to end a night early or having to leave your
friends or any people you’re having out with,
but I think just overall, there are many many other
times that you can see these people again, but giving the option of just being able to
go home and being like, we need to take a break
from the situation. – And I think that’s something
that you do really well, just because you don’t ever
shame me for choosing, yes, whenever you voice that option. There are a lot of situations in which she could provide the option
but then passive aggressively shame me if I say yes, I do wanna go home. And you could go, really? You’re just like, oh,
perfect, let’s go home. Let’s rest. Let’s watch a move, let’s do something. And you’re so encouraging about it. And there’s ever never a bit of shame, which could change everything about how you present that option. – Yeah, yeah. Overall, the best way to
comfort your partner, I think, is just being communicative. – Communicative? – Communicating. And giving them options of we can go home, we can take breaks, we can,
and checking in with them. – Without shame. – Yeah. – One more thing. Asking if in that moment, do
they wanna be touched or not. Because I think a lot of
people’s initial reactions to comforting people have
to do with hugging them, or physically touching them. But sometimes those people
are feeling very dysphoric at that moment do not wanna be touched, and I think it’s very important. I think that we’ve learned this together over the past year and a half. You ask me now, do you
wanna be touched right now or do you need space? And of course that’s
not her job to ask me, and I have learned also now
to voice if I do not want to be touched or if I want
space in a specific moment, which I think helps a lot. – Yeah. Okay, next question that someone asked. How would you recommend
helping your partner whose dysphoria hits in
the middle of the night? Again, it’s something new
to me that I didn’t expect for dysphoria to hit Chella
in the middle of the night. But I think it happens to a lot of people. For us, we slept in the same bed. Something that I learned
from some other people is, to maybe sleep on his chest. – This is specifically for
people who are dysphoric about their chest. – Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah. But yeah, I feel like this
question was specifically asking about dysphoria
for someone’s chest. Another thing, I would get up with Chella and say, you know, what do you need? Do you need some water? Do you wanna write? Do you wanna draw? Do you wanna go on a walk? And I remember this one time we went, we went on a walk together just to, it was like the middle of the night. It was early or something like that. Chella could get his mind
off of it for a little bit in the best way we could. Even though it may be
frustrating at times, being woken up in the middle of the night and having to look at your
partner in so much pain and not really knowing
how to deal with it, but just being able to say, you know, I will do in this moment anything I can to get your mind off of it. I think that’s the number one thing, trying to get their mind off of it. But also I wanna remind that
if you’re sleeping together in the same bed, if your
partner’s waking you up in the middle of the
night and demanding you to take care of the situation, I feel like in no way
is your responsibility. And if you’re in that
situation where it feels like your partner’s demanding
you to take care of it, you should have a conversation about that and say that you’re being
hurt by this because. – It’s not their job. – Yeah, and sleeping’s
important for your partner and also for you. – Never have I ever
asked or demanded MaryV to take care of me because
in past relationships, I have been the person on the other end, and have been demanded
to do something for them. And I know exactly how that feels, so never have I ever done that to MaryV, and I never will. But it was an incredible privilege that she was willing to do that for me. And again, I will, I’m
forever grateful for that. And for her. – Dysphoria in the middle of the night. – Not fun, no. But you can get through it. – Yeah, yeah. How do you hug closely
and have vulnerable, naked sex with so much dysphoria? I’ve been through these questions before, and this one I thought a lot about. Typically how sex is portrayed is that two bodies are together, completely nude. I don’t think that has to be the case for each time you have sex. However you have sex with someone. You can be clothed and have sex. Being able to communicate to that. And I’m okay with having
sex with our clothes on if that’ll make you more comfortable. – Also just, again, asking your partner, having open communication with them. What are you comfortable with? What positions would you prefer? Where and where not would
you like me to touch you? Would any specific words turn you on more, or make you feel more
comfortable in your body? Please let me know. I would love to use them. – Yeah, or even empowered and asking. – Oh my G, do you know
the sign for empowered? I learned it the other day. It’s this. It’s like you’re gaining muscle and you’re giving it someone else. Empowerment.
– That’s cool. I like that. For us specifically, where Chella has gotten
dysphoric is his chest the most. But I also got a lot of questions, people asking about bottom dysphoria. That’s something to be
conscious if your partner is now getting that. So asking them specifically
what they would like. What would you, (vocalizes). What they specifically would like you to call their genitalia, even their chest. – But in all cases, again,
’cause we cannot speak for your partner or any
other couple in general, you just have to have an
open conversation with them and ask what they prefer. – Yeah, yeah. Communicating. It’s awkward sometimes. It’s difficult to find time for it. Can help so, so much, and
can make your relationship and your sex so much more
healthy and so much more smooth. Just talking about this,
and I know it can be scary, but being a partner and being
like, I am open to talking about anything just to make
you happy and feel safe, is the best thing you can do. – No yeah, saying that changes everything. But I think it’s also
important to keep in mind that if they do not feel like talking about anything specifically,
you have to respect that. – Yeah. You as a partner really want to know because you feel like you can’t go forward in the relationship without knowing. Asking them if you could
set a time later on to talk about it, and
just saying this as nice and non-aggressive as possible, but just, later on, I would
like to speak about this. What is something that
you can do/keep in mind so you don’t trigger
your partner’s dysphoria? I know if you’re around new people, those people may not know
or if you’re around family, your family may not know. But just try your best to keep
it in the back of your head, and if something does happen,
just pulling them aside and being like, I know that happened, but I was thinking about it
and doing something for them that you know would make
them feel comfortable and for you two to feel reunited again. – Exactly. That could deal with
things that don’t even have to do with dysphoria. A few days ago, we were
at a family reunion, and one of them came up to
me, and for those of you who don’t know, I’m deaf. But they said, you speak very well. Your speech almost sounds normal. And of course, in my mind,
it was a bit offensive because there is no normal for speaking. However you speak can
and should be normal. Normal, to be honest,
should not even be a thing because it’s a social
construct of what is. – Society’s ways of things
that should be correct. – Yeah. (laughs) I didn’t say to her because
I didn’t want to get into anything and I was with my family, but being able to over to MaryV
and tell her what happened and then just having her understand that. Being able to just have her listen to me and understand was incredibly uplifting and reminded me that I
have a community of people who understand me. I think that goes with what you just said, about being able to
just go to someone else, whether that is your partner or someone in your chosen
family, your friend, etc. And just feeling like you are understood. – And comforted after being triggered. I want to give some quick
things specifically between us I’ve kind of a kept a list on mentally. One that I notice, Chella sometimes before didn’t really like me wearing his clothes, just because our body
types were very different. And maybe your partner’s not
even thinking about that. You know, just for that
short period of time, not wearing their clothes. – Or just asking them. MaryV has a chest and curves. Those were things that
I got dysphoric about, so see my clothes and seeing
the imprint of her body, I didn’t expect to be triggered,
but I found out I was. – And another thing, certain places where I would
hold Chella or touch Chella, whether it be out in public or during sex, if I could just feel
that he was uncomfortable if my hands were there, I would move them. Pick somewhere to put my hands. Yeah. – Support. – Support. That was scary. – Yeah, I know, I kinda scared myself. (laughs) – Support. To me being, having a lot of patience. A lot of the things and
scenarios that we talked about earlier when we were
talking about dysphoria, all of those things went into that, but I feel like patience
was the number one thing. And if you have patience
between the two of you, I, things, could. I feel like if you have
patience between the two of you, things can work out, and, I don’t know. – You can take time to say it. – Yeah. – There’s no pressure to say. – Okay. – Yeah, well. – See, patience, right there. I was being patient with
what she had to say. And I’m usually never
the one that’s patient. – Getting a binder for the first time can be really exciting for your partner. Being there for that, sharing with them, like how glowing he used to look, how amazing they still are. – With it or without it. – Yeah. – Just being this
positive beacon to go to. Even in the times when I’m
typically a very positive person, but there were of course moments
where I just couldn’t be. You shared that with me. – I have gone this past
year, gotten a lot of emails from people or DMs of them
pouring their heart out to me and telling me their situation
of what they were going through in their relationship
with their partner who is transitioning or
starting to transition or even thinking about it. And some people saying, I don’t
know if I can handle this. And I just wanted to say,
if you feel like deep down you can’t handle it in that
moment, that it’s fine, and you can still love and support them without being in a relationship. That’s fine. Hard but it’s okay. – As the person who is
transitioning in the relationship, getting them that initial warning before to know that this is going to be heavy. This is going to be a lot. It will be emotionally draining. It will be a journey and a rollercoaster. Right after I came out, I
don’t like the word coming out because I don’t think
it should be a thing, but right after I came out to MaryV, that I wanted to get top
surgery and go on testosterone, we went on walk, and I
told her exactly that. And I was like, look, I don’t
want you to stay in this if this is too much. I love you so much, and
I would never want you to have to go through this
with me if it is too heavy or you cannot handle it right now. I completely understand if
you need to take a break right now, and you need
to focus on yourself more while I focus on myself. Just as she would ask me
questions in the future about opting out without shame, I did the same for her in the beginning. And I think that is extremely important. You have to recognize that your partner has their own feelings
and their own problems, and it is not in any situation
on them to take care of you. – Yeah, yeah. Using their preferred name and/or pronouns is a huge way that you
can support your partner. I understand that sometimes
some people just don’t grasp onto the idea of changing
someone’s pronouns, and that may be hard or
difficult to remember, but it’s overall just about respect. And if you respect this person, that you’ll try your best to do it. It’s okay if you slip up
every once in a while, and maybe talk to your
partner of how you want to handle that if you do slip up, because some people
don’t like it if you say, oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, ah, and make a big deal about it. But some people do
appreciate if you apologize. Do you have anything to say? – No, I feel like you’re
doing a great job. (laughing) I’m just listening. – Oh, and then introducing someone. Like, on this is Chella
my X, or my, I mean. – Your ex? – I mean like X, like, X
like fill in the blank. Okay, I’m gonna say it again. This is Chella my fill-in-the-blank. – That’s better. – So I actually looked up
some relationship identifiers that are for people that are nonbinary ’cause I know that’s
really difficult to find. – Yeah. – Because you don’t wanna
stay in the binaries of boyfriend or girlfriend. – And it’s also just hard to connect with something that’s partner. For me, I feel like it feels formal, and I don’t connect with it as much. But I also do not like
staying in the binaries and saying boyfriend, girlfriend. I don’t realize, I kinda like the sign. I wish that we could just say oh hi, wait, this is MaryV, my. You know? And just sign it because I feel
like no word is good enough for what I really feel towards you. – Yeah. – And I wish that I could
just fill in the blank with a sign. – Yeah. I mean, I feel like
people would be confused. – Well yeah. – What is this person
doing with their hands? – But I feel like, I feel like. – Yeah, I wish. – I feel like people are
confused if you say partner. And then they like go
over to different friends, and they’re like, so
do they work together? Or, you know? – But I feel like also a
lot of queer people know, like, oh partner. – Queer people. – Yeah. – Depends on where you are. – Yeah, no. – But in all cases, yes, I, well. – Well here are a couple. – Yeah. – Significant other. – Just like the L Word,
this is my lover, Cindy. – Oh my God, ew ew ew, oh, so terrible. Ugh. I suggest watching the L
Word, we just finished. It’s a little, actually it’s a lot. – It is a lot of problematic. – Yeah, it’s a lot of problematic, but. (laughing) – At least it was like,
the first of its kind, and very progressive in a lot of its ways. But of course like, whenever you look at the first progressive
thing of that time period, when you look at it later
on, it’s always problematic for that time period now. – Yeah, yeah. – Anyway. Nonbinary relationship identifiers. – Partner, my person, the
person I’m in love with. I used that for a little while for Chella. Lover, soulmate, and then lastly, you could just use their name. I mean. – Or the sign. Partner. Put your pinkies out, partner. Okay. – Cute, cute, cute. Like yeah, just talk with your partner and try to make something cute, fun, and new with each other. – I’m not really about,
like, oh this is my pookie. – Yeah, well some people are into that, or being like, this is my. – Cupcake, buttercup squash. (laughs) Whatever works for you. – Yeah. (laughs) Okay, lastly, bathrooms. (yells softly) (laughing) Bathrooms. (yelling) With like thunder cracking
in the background. – We can add that in. – Yeah, we could. Bathrooms. (thunder cracking) Well, I think just the
whole bathroom situation in general is frustrating. (sighs) Being a cis person, always being aware of that bathrooms are a scary,
sometimes dangerous place for people, telling them I can
go with you to the bathroom. I can accompany you to the bathroom. I will do anything I can
right now to find you a gender neutral bathroom. I feel like can change the
world for your partner, or even if you’re hanging
out with other people. I think that’s something that I’m trying to always think about. Will the bathrooms be accessible for the people that I’m with? – I mean, even if you
are going to a restaurant or just any public space,
you could even call ahead and ask the bathroom situation. Are the bathrooms here gender neutral? Could you make them gender
neutral for this day or this hour? All you need to do is
cover up that binary sign with a gender neutral text. – Yeah, so something that came up a lot before Chella started taking testosterone and was in the stage of not passing yet, or just not passing. – Yeah, which was my entire
life up until this past year. – What I think there
was a big chunk of time when you were taking T and you were just in this androgynous stage. – But again, yeah, I mean, I’ve
experienced that growing up. – Yeah, yeah. Oh, with me, I’m talking about. – Oh, with you, yeah. – But this is something that worried me when we were both going to
the women’s restroom together. And there were a couple
instances where people came up to Chella and/or tried
to stop him from going to the bathroom. – Yeah. – Or. – Asked for the letter that
was my on my birth certificate. – Yeah, and I think for
me, it was something that was really scary, and
not something that I knew how to navigate yet, but. – I mean, for anyone’s it’s not right. – Yeah, yeah. But I think that definitely
depends first off the area that you’re in and
the situation that you’re in and the person that is approaching you. But for the situations that were in and the people that were approaching us, I personally felt safe
enough to stand up for Chella and for us, and I simply
said to these people, because they would come up,
and I remember this one time we were at the train station. And there was one of the
cleaning people of the bathroom came up to us and was
like, whoa whoa whoa, this is the woman’s restoom. And or, said to you. I just looked at her and said very calmly, that doesn’t matter, we’re
just here to use the restroom. I think this person was just
taken aback a little bit, and. – But yeah, I think it really
depends on the situation and what you feel comfortable doing. And also a lot of times, I
found, when I was with MaryV, she would end up saying something because I have trouble hearing
what the other people say. So a lot of times when
someone confronts me, I can’t understand what they’re saying because of the area we’re
in or maybe I don’t have my cochlear implants in. And so I’m lucky enough to
have MaryV to say something because like, I would have said something. Like, it’s not like I needed
you to stand up for me and I was asking you to. Again, it really depends on the situation, the person who confronts you, how you feel as an individual standing up to them. Overall, just try to avoid any aggression in all situations, and just let them know if you want to let them know at all, you are just there to use the
bathroom, and that is all. And that is your right. – As a cis person, you
should definitely be aware of that these situations can happen, and knowing how to navigate them safely. But I think just overall, looking for gender neutral
bathrooms is the best thing that you can do. One of the questions is,
how do you address strangers and people who have
inappropriate questions? I think a lot of people have
a lot of questions about. – Things that are not
represented in society’s. – Mass media. (laughs) How we personally deal with
those kinds of questions, depending on who the person
is because, it, yeah, just of course depends on the person. But I think just saying,
you know, very calmly, we don’t feel comfortable
answering that question. And especially if you’re
in a public place, if you feel comfortable
telling the person, that isn’t really a
question that you should be asking people unless you’re,
unless you are in a space that is more comfortable
having the conversation. – I found in a lot of cases,
I hardly decline a question because I think I’m
typically very open person, and I know that in most cases, they are not trying to be
malicious by asking the question. They are just honestly
curious, which is valid because considering what is represented in today’s mass media,
I, or people like me with my identities are not usually, there’s not usually
conversations or dialogues spoken around what I deal with on a daily basis. So if the person is truly
trying to ask a question without being malicious, I
try to answer as politely and clearly as I can
without using terms they may or may not understand. Try to explain it in a way
that is as simple as possible. And I think the answer is just that. Trying to explain it without
aggression, as simple as you can, if you are open
to answering the question. It’s incredible, because who knows? That person who just
answered a question to may go an try to learn more about it, or may try to be more
open-minded about situations like that next time. And maybe when you’re done
after answering a question, just adding, just so you
know, the way that you phrased that question may be a bit
offensive to people like me or people from my community
or anyone in general. And just saying it in the
most polite way as possible. It will change the way
people go about in the world. – Whether you are the
person who’s transitioning or the person who’s cis
in the relationship, just the person who is
in a relationship also who is not transitioning,
just knowing that you have no obligation to answer anyone’s question. Whether it be simply out of curiosity and wanting to educate
themselves, or on the other hand, them wanting to be rude or ignorant, that you don’t have to answer. And questions that I,
because similar to Chella, I answer most questions that people have because I want to educate people. But questions that I don’t answer is that they’re specifically
about Chella or about his body because we don’t have the same bodies, and some people want
to ask me, who is cis, because they are also
cis, and want to know more about a trans or trans/nonbinary body, and that’s not my place to speak because I’m not gonna
talk about Chella’s body without him there. And what I say to that is, you know, there’s the internet, look it up. – There are so many resources
today if you truly are interested in respectfully
educating yourself, you can find a way. – Sex. – Part three. – Sex. (laughs) First question that I got. How has intimacy change
throughout his transition? – I think one of the main
things that has shifted is my physical body, and the
fact that my chest is now flat. And bottom growth is a
thing, where on testosterone, your clitoris will grow,
or however you would like to refer to genital. Scientific way, clitoris
grows on testosterone. And I think that changes
your sensation as a person, because as it gets bigger,
you’re able to feel more, or different things will feel better, or the way that you have sex can change. Because sensation in general shifts. I don’t have feeling my nipples anymore, so my chest is numb. But the shifts in my bottom region. – Yeah, for me, this
was, again something new for me to experience and
go through with Chella. But in our intimacy, I think
the way we spoke to one another has changed a lot. The terms we use. The way we talk to each other during sex, I think, has changed because
there’s certain words that we didn’t use before but now we do, just to either make
Chella more comfortable or to make one of us
feel more comfortable. Okay, next question. How do you deal with taking
the binder off during sex? How should the person’s
chest be considered after the binder is off? – Again, this really
depends person to person. And you just have to be
open with your partner, have a conversation about it. – Mhm. – We cannot, I mean, as
much as we’d like to, we cannot answer that for your partner. – Yeah. But as a partner, I
think it might be a break for a little bit, to give
your partner a little time to take off their binder
or even asking your partner if they need help taking it off because it could be a
little encouraging for them to help them take it off. But if they don’t, respecting that and maybe letting them do
that in a different room, or keeping the lights off once
they take off their binder could be really helpful, too. And just respecting any choices they make. Coming to the sexual situation
with these suggestions. Like, we can keep the lights off when you take off your binder. I can help you. – Or you can watch this video together, and then just talk about the
options presented to you. – And then once they do
take off their binder, it can be a really vulnerable
experience for them and for you. But asking them how you’d want to refer. If they would like you to
touch their chest at all or if they don’t, and
just remembering that. – That’s it. – Yay. I feel like there’s still a ton of things that we didn’t cover for this video. – Yeah. – And. – I mean, this is such a broad topic. – Yeah, yeah, huge. – But if you would like
us to make more videos about top surgery or
testosterone or any other topics that you have in mind, please let us know. We will definitely love
to make videos about this. – Yeah. Thank you for watching this, and. – Thank you for watching. – Love and support and kiss your partner as much as you can. – Yeah. And to say the least, it
can be extremely hard, but to just to try
maintain a positive outlook in all situations, it really
shifts absolutely everything. – I love you. – I love you. And we wish you luck. – Yeah. – All of the luck and all of
the love on your own journeys. – Mhm, yeah. Whichever path you decide to take. (kissing noises)

100 thoughts on “BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE TRANSITIONING

  1. they are a cute and lovely couple and i appreciate how cella isn't bamboozling me by changing genders everyday. also for using normal pronouns. but what does trans masculine mean im confused

  2. WHAT HAPPENED TO TRHE FUCKING WORLD, I MISS THE OLD WORLD, WITHOUT TRANS PEOPLE, WHEN PEOPLE DIDNT HAVE SAY WHAT THEY IDENTIFY AS.

  3. I can’t believe how deep his voice has gotten and how mature y’all are, thanks for being so open and honest with the community 💖

  4. You are literally born with reproductive organs that you’re supposed to have….just because in this day in age you can go from a girl to a “guy” and a guy to a “girl”….your brain and heart will always be who you are and have the same emotions as you would when you are the person you are born as……being uncomfortable in your own skin is caused by media making you feel like you aren’t beautiful the way you are…that doesn’t mean you should change sex’s.

  5. in regards to the dysphoria and your story about prom/parties, this was useful even though neither me or my partner are trans. my gf is in a wheelchair due to recent circumstances so the dysphoria is (different but) real. me and my gf are sorting out how our formal (prom) will go ahead but your advice here kinda helped

  6. You guys are genuine people. I wish every trans person had someone like Mary V to love them or even be a friend to them. ❤️❤️

  7. Right now I'm super confused since I just had my realization that I want to look masculine and get top surgery and T, so thank you for helping and explaining and being wonderful people.

  8. Thank you for being matured enough for talking and opening up about your relationship. I agree that communication is the key to settle things, especially in relationships.

  9. would you guys ever do a video showing all your tattoos and going into depth on their meanings? they’re all so beautiful and I would love to know the meanings (specifically the ‘I love you’ on chella’s arm)

  10. OMG, Chella! We need our homework and lessons on asl ( or Mary V!! Maybe even both of you can teach the class) And yes, it does matter a lot.

  11. I cant stop smiling while watching them both like srsly.. look at chellaman he keeps staring maryv HAHAHAHAHA… tbh they both look cute couple together <3 and btw chellaman would you mind to shout out my name leanna (if you pronouced it its leyana but when you write/type it its leanna) LMaooo…because evrytime i get a shout out they keep saying lina not leyana HhAHHAHA

  12. Glad I found you guys your smile and laughter is infectious and your a really cute couple. I am just a regular boring straight cis female lol but for some reason I care and take an interest into gender dysphoria and what people go through when they are transitioning. The way society is changing and becoming more accepting off all people no matter what. 50 years ago racism was seen as acceptable which crazy, in 50 years time it will be crazy to people that trans people once were not accepted. Everyone should be able to be there true self and live there best life possible regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, disabilities and all the other things that make us different from each other. We are becoming more accepting and understanding as a society and how anyone could be against that I will never understand. Thanks for the insight guys great video 😊💕

  13. Wow i am a new subscriber. I'm a bisexual and I am not really that open to transgender man but you too open it for me. I mean like, you guys are living yourself that's all! And you are right if you are not comfortable with your body you have the option, it made me realize then thwt we don't chose to have a kind of body. But we can chose to live the kind of body we wish to have, comfortable to wear and something we can show up to the world.

  14. awww this is similar to the first one but also a lot different, i love it!!! 💘 like he was touching maryv’s hair like a minute in & the topics are the same :))

  15. Maryv looks like a painting in this shes so beautiful
    And this entire conversation is so wonderul and I always say the most important part of a relationship is communication so I really resonate with all of this even though I'm not in a similar situation❤

  16. So much love to you guys. This video it's definitly helpful and empowering. I'm sad to discover it just now that my relationship it's over after 5 years and only one year on testosterone. It will be helpful for the next one 🙂 <3 good luck to you too <3

  17. Being a trans guy, seeing this gives me hope ill find someone who loves and accepts me for who i am. 🙂 Like pls i need a girl to look at me like that

  18. If you are deaf how can you speak and how can you understand her?
    P.S. I hope you will be good as Jericho in the Titans show.

  19. The way Mary V described how she handled certain social situations on the spot, i'm so amazed! even the toilet being "That doesn't matter, we're here to use the bathroom" ahh Mary V! Incredible!!!

  20. I hate my self and wanna die everyone see me like a body i got raped many times i hate everything and no one care about me fuck it

  21. I want a guy to love me the way chella loves maryv. I mean look at how he looks at her when she talks and how he touches and caresses her skin AH so beautiful <3

  22. You two are an inspiration to countless of people out there regardless of age, gender, ethnicity. Love you guys. Blessings.

  23. I learned so much from this video even tho I’m not in a relationship, the power that you two possess is really something special. Such an inspiration to everyone , I hope I can gain the strength that you both have ❤️❤️❤️

  24. I can feel the love between you two. Such a mature, kind, wonderful couple. I admire you both so much💛

  25. I really appreciate you guys and I am becoming one of your biggest fans 💝💝💝💕. Much love 😘😘

  26. I'm a new viewer and have to say I love the relationship you two have. It's clear that you love and respect each other so much. My boyfriend and I are both cisgender, but I still identify with a lot of what you say. Actually, for the relationship I'm in, we often would introduce each other or refer to each other as "sweetheart" instead of boyfriend/girlfriend because we felt that represented us better. Maybe sappy or sickeningly sweet for some, but it worked for us. And it just so happens to be gender neutral for non-binary folk. 😊

  27. I hate that in german "soulmate" is "seelenverwandte(r)" the r in the paranthesis (I'm german sry if that's wrong 😅) is the male version of it. I wish my girlfriend could just say "soulmate" since I am trans too but she can't 😭.
    Anyways
    I love this video. Thank youuuuuu. Good luck you two🖤😋

  28. I'm so happy for this two people🌺 Everyone should feel happy and right in their body. And I'm pro sugery if it helps the person

  29. Mental illness has taken on a whole new form….. we really need to reopen the asylums, or reinforce natural selection to get these Genes out of the pool.

  30. All I see is two women. You can call yourself a toaster but that doesn’t change you at a chromosomal level. I don’t care who anyone chooses to love as long as they’re both consenting adults but stop pushing this bs on everyone. You can call yourself whatever you want but if I say she and you identify as a he tough shit because you don’t control what anyone else says or does.

  31. So who is the man and who is the women? Well who ever is what, the man will always be a man and the woman will always be a women. No matter what, no matter what you call yourself. Period. Nothing will change that. Basicly one of you is a lesbian and one of you is gay.

  32. I just wanted u to know that each time i feel overwhelmed i come to your channel, you guys make me feel so good, thank u from the bottom of my heart, ily guys. 💖💖💖💖

  33. speaking of representation in here, idk if you guys like or watch reality tv but Are you the One? Szn 8 just aired and it’s a queer season with everyone being sexually fluid!!!! it’s a lil messy lmao but there’s a trans masc presenting person on there (Kai) & non-binary person as well (Basit) who are so brave and share some of their stories with the viewers

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